ETA: My baby is six months old and definitively not a boy. But I still wanted to put up all these pregnancy posts, as written, so I’m scheduling them to post twice a week for the month.

ALSO added for the sake of this post: I labored with no drugs for 32 hours, then had an epidural so they could try to get Ayla out with forceps because she was stuck in the birth canal and ain’t nobody sticking salad tongs up my hoo-ha with no pain medication, nah nah. Then we ended up with an emergency c-section when her heart rate went down and she pooped in the sack. I would still do it the same way all over again and try for a natural birth. The pain wasn’t what got me in the end, I just couldn’t get her out and various nurses, afterwards half jokingly told me things like, “50 years ago, you might have died…and your baby definitely would’ve died!”

 

Since I’ve gotten pregnant and people have found out I want a natural birth, they always want to know why.

To be honest, it’s something primitive in me, more than anything I can back up with facts and science. When I told Dani, on the day I found out I was pregnant, he was surprised but mostly just curious since all the women he knows have had c-sections. When he probed, the best reason I could give him was that since the actual moment the result came back positive after peeing on a stick, the very, very first thing that came to my mind was an image of me standing up pushing a baby out while leaning on a bed or squatting, pushing that baby out like a cave woman, letting gravity work with me.

The image of being in a hospital bed, connected to an IV and a heart monitor, not being able to move went against every single instinct my body has. Trying to imagine that scenario felt physically repulsive to me.

Which is weird, because I don’t have a ton of friends who have gone down that route, I don’t even have that many friends with kids that I would talk intimately with about birthing experiences so it wasn’t something that was learned.

But I imagined myself being able to have an “active labor” long before I ever knew that there was a term to describe what I wanted to do — to walk around freely while in labor, moving through different positions, letting my body work in whatever way it needs to.

Dani was supportive, he has educated himself on the thing I want and by and large, tried very hard to respect my decisions. He only put his foot down at a home birth, but even then he said if it was something I was 100% set on, he would find a way to be ok with that. And I told him that if I could confirm with the hospital that I won’t be connected to machines or forced into a c-section if I have a long labor, that I also don’t mind having the baby at a hospital. Once we confirmed that with my midwife and doctor, the only requirement is that I be over 6cm dilated when I am admitted and that they put a little tube in my arm, not connected to anything, but there in case for some reason I do need to be hooked up to an IV, and that immediately following the birth, the baby stays with Dani and I for skin to skin time, I agreed to a hospital birth.

I feel good about our decision, I feel confident in it. We don’t have an actual “birth plan” written out or anything like that, but we do know that I am going to try and stay and labor at home for as long as possible with just Dani and my mom there, Dani’s mom will be on stand by to come pick us up and bring us to the hospital, which is only 5 minutes from our apartment so I’m fairly certain I can manage to not give birth on the way there.